


Scared to Death (to Fall)

by kaijoskopycat



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Fluff, angst with happy ending, aokiseweek, v things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-02-04 09:06:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1773538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaijoskopycat/pseuds/kaijoskopycat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aomine is forced to face his fears and come to an important decision when Kise’s ultimatum leaves him without the one person he wants most at his side.</p><p>Written for <a href="http://aokiseweek.tumblr.com">AoKise Week</a> on Tumblr. Day 4 Prompt: Inspired by a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvFnpmrNwkM">song</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scared to Death (to Fall)

Dating Aomine was not really dating. Not for Kise. 

He couldn't count how many times Aomine pulled him aside, called him, texted him saying, "This isn't going to work anymore." And Kise stared at the screen, at the wall, at Aomine in disbelief. 

The first time it happened, he cried. He cried the second time too. The third time, he expected it. When Aomine called him and said, "We need to talk" he knew, almost word for word, what the ace would tell him. 

"Look, I... We can't keep doing this right now. I'm not looking for a relationship and I'm sure you aren't either." Kise would nod his head like Aomine was reading his thoughts when such a thing had never even crossed his mind. "Besides, we're both guys, Kise. What the fuck are we doing?"  _Dating._ That's what Kise would always think when he said this. "It was fun and I like you and all, but friendship is easier, you know?"

It was always a different variation of "I don't want a relationship" and "We're both men. This isn't right." Kise let it happen more times than he could count. He would shut himself away to cope for a day or two and return with an echo of the smile that always dazzled everyone who had the privilege to share it's light. But each time the smile got dimmer and dimmer, and the only one who didn't seem to notice was Aomine.

Kise was done. 

So the next time Aomine said, "This isn't working out," Kise said, "I can't keep doing this anymore." 

Aomine stared at him. He expected silent concurrence, not verbal agreement. Yet the way Kise spoke made him feel like there was something more. So it was Aomine's turn to fall silent and listen.

"You need to make up your mind," Kise finally said, after letting the silence build between them until Aomine felt like he would choke on it. "I can't keep doing this." Kise gestured between the two of them. "This break up, get back together, break up again thing. It's always at your convenience, whenever you decide you want to be with me you come bounding back into my arms. And I can't do it anymore."

"But Kise, I–"

"I'm in love with you, Aominecchi." Kise face pinched and Aomine saw the way the skin between his brows tightened, like he was almost on the verge of tears. Those golden eyes were dry, turned down in sadness, but there was no trace of tears. "And I'm not going to do this anymore if you don't want it. It's not fair. I _want_ to be with you. I don't care that we're both men. I don't care what _anyone else thinks_. I care about what _you_ think. And obviously you don't think enough of it to continue on." Aomine said nothing because he could not think of anything to say. "So if you decide now that things have to end... then this is it. I'll move on so I can get over you and you can find a big-breasted, Mai-chan look alike that'll make you happy. Find someone you won't have to go through the hassle of breaking up with every month or so."

The silence that followed Kise's admittance was thicker than the one prior. Aomine pressed a hand against his chest and felt his heart threatening to slam through and fall straight into Kise's hands. When he found the ability to speak, he said, "So does this mean..." He was never any good at these things. Words were never his forte and relationships had caused him nothing but problems and confusion. "What about our friendship? Will you still be–"

"If you want me as a friend, then fine. But don't expect anything else."

Aomine nodded. "Can I have time to think?"

Kise sighed. "If you need time to think then I already know your answer. If you wanted to be with me it would be obvious. You wouldn't have to debate."

"But–"

Kise reached forward and wrapped his arms loosely around Aomine's shoulders. The hug was so brief, Aomine didn't even have the chance to reciprocate. "I understand, Aominecchi." He took a few steps back and lifted his hand in a wave, as if to say "goodbye". "I'll see you later, I guess." 

Aomine let him walk away because he didn't know just yet how to tell him not to. 

* * *

As Kise promised, they stayed friends. But Aomine saw him less and less.

He got so used to calling or texting whenever he wanted and having Kise answer with one of his stupid faces and a jubilant acceptance of whatever Aomine had planned. Now Kise's texts lacked enthusiasm, or maybe Aomine was imagining that. He still got faces, but no hearts. Sometimes Kise still excitedly agreed to whatever Aomine asked, but now there were times when he claimed to be too busy, used his photo shoots and basketball practices as excuses. Aomine shrugged off every snub, but somewhere inside he felt a dull ache that grew with time. 

He found himself shooting baskets alone at the park now. Kagami had offered to play with him on more than one occasion and sometimes he took him up on the offer. Even Kuroko would show up every once in a while, startling Aomine half to death with his sudden appearance. But both of them eventually began looking at him with those eyes, tight with something Aomine didn't want to see. 

 _Is it fucking pity_? Did they pity his late nights spent on the court?

He flung the ball full force at the basket and it slammed into the backboard, falling straight through the hoop. With a sigh, he collapsed upon the court and let the ball slowly roll back to his side. He crossed his arms behind his head and reclined his body backward.

_Same damn stars as always._

He let his eyes drift shut, comfortable even with the hard court against his back. Lately he'd been getting good at clearing his head, at not thinking anymore. A part of him questioned why it was so hard to do so, and another deeper part knew the reason. 

_"Aominecchi, look! I think that's the constellation for your sign. It's Virgo, right?"_

Aomine shoved himself off the ground.  _Dammit... the stars too..._  It was taking time, but he was slowly learning the things that reminded him of those bright golden eyes and that dazzling smile. 

* * *

"Senpai! Don't just walk away!"

Aomine moved his hand away from his face enough to peer across the park. He knew he recognized that voice and there was that pretty face to go with it, trailing after...

_That goddamn midget captain of his..._

Aomine was not jealous. At least, that was what he told himself. But every time he saw that man, saw the way Kise brightened at the sight of him, the way he smiled and ran after him like he would show him the world and more, he couldn't help the way his fists clenched and his lips pulled into a grimace like he'd just eaten something repulsive. 

He sighed and let his hand fall over his eyes again, With his free hand he popped his earbuds in and turned his music all the way up to drown out everything around him. 

_He used to look at me like that. Dammit._

* * *

"Aomine-kun, you haven't touched your burger."

"Eh?" Aomine stared at the tray in front of him. He hadn't even gotten as far as unwrapping the thing and Kuroko was already nearly done with his vanilla shake. "Oh. Must've been spacin' out or something." Kuroko cocked his head to the side and stared. Aomine could feel those curious eyes trained on him and he couldn't help but fidget in his seat until he finally grumbled, "What the hell is it, Tetsu?"

"Nothing. I was just wondering what has your mind so preoccupied." Kuroko glanced over his shoulder in the direction of Aomine's unwavering gaze. "There are no women or basketball players over, Aomine-kun."

Aomine slapped a hand on the tabletop. "That's not the  _only_ damn thing I look at!"

"Oh, I forgot there's one more."

Aomine tensed and turned his eyes away again. "There's more than just a few things. I don't have a one track mind, idiot." 

"Save your insults for Kagami-kun." Kuroko chided, taking a stuttering sip of the end of his milkshake. "I came here to talk." He gave Aomine a pointed look. "I think you know what about." 

"I don't." He feigned ignorance and waved a dismissive hand at Kuroko. 

"Kise-kun." 

Aomine grit his teeth.

"You two weren't very good at hiding it."

"Shut up."

"And you aren't very good at hiding your feelings–"

"There are  _no_ feelings. Kise and I are just–"

"Friends?" Kuroko finished for him. "You are I are just friends. Aomine-kun, I won't say anything to Kise-kun. He's been avoiding everyone from the Generation of Miracles. It is as though he's afraid we'll be able to tell how much he's faking that happiness." 

Aomine's brow twitched and he felt that ache again.  _Fuck_. "It's got nothin' to do with me anymore," he said.

"You don't believe that." Kuroko slid out of his seat and stood. "I have to meet Kagami for dinner." Aomine was intent on keeping his eyes averted. "I thought maybe we could talk about this and you could understand that you don't have to keep beating yourself up. I've noticed. Akashi-kun mentioned it the last time I saw him. Even Kagami has noticed the change. We're you're friends, Aomine-kun, and we just want to help."

As Kuroko walked away, Aomine vaguely wondered just how much more this ache could spread.

* * *

Months passed and still Kise kept his distance.

They played a few games of one-on-one here and there and Aomine was grateful that Kise still gave it his all, that he could still thrill the ace on the court as he always had before. But after each game, Kise would towel off, chat about things going on with his modeling career and the Kaijou basketball team–all surface talk, nothing deeper. Then he would leave without so much as a wave goodbye. 

Aomine was getting sick of watching Kise turn away, of only  _seeing_  the back of that perfect blond head when he should be threading his fingers through those soft strands. 

_What the fuck am I supposed to do?_

* * *

Aomine knew he had it bad when he changed his background on his phone back to one of himself and Kise. The way he scowled in that picture and Kise smiled, it was a wonder such a shining star would ever want their light dampened by someone as dark as him. 

His phone was almost always in his pocket. He never showed it to anyone. Thankfully, no one saw the picture. No one saw the saved texts from Kise–not that he ever received texts like that anymore. No one knew he read them almost every night before he fell asleep. 
    
    
     **Received from: Baka Kise  
    ** [text]: i'll talk to you tomorrow! :3 ****  
    [text]: Goodnight, Aominecchi (^・^)Chu♪

* * *

"You have to tell him, Aomine-kun."

"No."

"It's easy, baka." Kagami jumped in. "Just say that you lo–"

" _No_."

"Aomine-kun, you don't even have to use that word. Tell him you li–"

"I'm not doing that!" Aomine slapped an open palm against the Maji Burger table. 

Kagami rolled his eyes and shoved another burger down that impossibly large mouth of his while Kuroko shook his head beside him. Aomine had sought their help, but the moment he admitted to wanting it, they set in on him. It was like they were intent on getting him to say the one thing he could not find the strength to. 

"Aomine-kun... if you mean it, it is not difficult." 

Kagami nodded beside him, obnoxiously slurping the drink to help swallow the unnecessary amount of food.

Aomine's brow twitched. "Will you stop stuffing your fucking face and help me?"

Kagami scowled and dropped the next burger en route to his mouth. "And how the hell do you suggest we help you when you refuse to tell Kise that you lo–"

"Just find a different way!"

Kuroko sighed. "It might be the only way, Aomine-kun." He gently set the half-empty vanilla shake on the table and rested his elbows against the surface. "Kise-kun needs to know you're sincere about your feelings." Aomine flinched when he said that. "I know you do not wish to talk about them, but if you don't, Kise-kun will leave you behind."

Even Kagami grimaced at that. "Kuroko, you don't gotta be so–"

"No, Kagami-kun. He's waited too long." Those pale blue eyes, intense in Kuroko's sincerity, turned back to Aomine. "Kise-kun is leaving for a photo shoot in London tomorrow morning." 

Aomine's eyes widened. 

"He will be back in a week, but at this point a week is too long." Aomine shook his head. That was impossible. They'd spent months apart and something in him believed he could find a way to get Kise back. What changed now? "You haven't been the only one suffering. I told you Kise-kun was avoiding everyone. He recently started opening up to me and he's giving up, Aomine-kun. He wants this photo shoot in London to open the right doors so he can leave and start a new life and leave behind the things that weigh him down."

"But..."  _He can't just fucking forget me._

"You don't want that, do you?"

God, he hated those sympathetic stares. He wanted to punch Kagami in his stupid face for looking at him like that. He wanted Kuroko to magically disappear so he could get rid of that insistent gaze. But he chose to be here. He  _chose_ to seek out their help, and he really did want it. He had to take their advice or he'd be left with nothing. "No. I don't want that." 

"Then learn to say it." 

Aomine sighed heavily. "I don't...  _Fuck_." He curled his fingers into his palm, resisting the need to punch something. "I don't know how."

"We can teach you." Kagami suggested, head cocked to the side. 

"Eh?"

"I mean... I can say it without a problem."

"Sometimes Kagami-kun stutters when he says it."

"Shut up!" Kagami shoved Kuroko's side and earned a faint smile in return. 

Aomine watched them, watched the way Kuroko's eyes lit up at the sound of Kagami's voice, how he leaned into the shove as though he didn't want to pull away. He saw the way Kagami's cheeks colored and he smiled, a real, cheesy smile. It was like watching himself with Kise and it made the ache in his chest all the more prominent. "Do it," he demanded. "I wanna see it done."

Without hesitation, Kuroko turned to face Kagami and said, "I love you, Kagami-kun." 

Both Aomine and Kagami shifted in their seats, visibly flustered. "Ah... I... I love you too." Kagami bit his lower lip and averted his eyes and Aomine would have laughed if he wasn't absolutely positive that he might react the same way the first time tried to say it.

He was too absorbed in the possibility of taking a blow to his pride for Kise's sake that he didn't see Kuroko turn back to face him until he said, "Let's practice." 

" _Hah_?" 

"Let's practice," he repeated, frowning like a teacher reprimanding an ignorant student.

"Just how the fuck are we gonna–"

"Pretend I'm Kise-kun." 

Aomine's jaw dropped. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Kuroko shook his head. 

"But you're just... I can't... I can't picture you as Kise. Kise stands eye to eye with me and–"

"Then pretend Kagami-kun is Kise-kun." 

Aomine grimaced. 

"Oi, Ahomine, what the hell is that face for?"

"Kise isn't ugly and stupid." 

Kagami's face reddened, but this time it was in frustration. "Listen, you ass, we're here to help. If you don't want the help then you can take your problems and shove them up your–"

Kuroko shoved the straw of his milkshake between Kagami's lips, nearly choking him. 

"Aomine-kun, you have to try it." He leaned to the side and rummaged in his bag. "Here. I will have Kagami-kun hold this in front of his face." He held up Kise's latest photo book. The blond's flawless face decorated the cover, teeth flashing in that dazzling smile he'd grown to miss. 

"I can't believe this." Aomine palmed his forehead and dragged his hand down his face. "Fine. Just once."

They left Maji Burger in favor of the park to spare Aomine the mortification of having to say something so embarrassing in front of a restaurant full of strangers. Kagami stood before him, Kise's beautiful face, flat on the photo book cover, held over his own face. For a few seconds, it was like he could actually see the blond standing there and he thought he might just be able to get the words out. 

Then Kagami spoke. "C'mon, Aominecchi! I don't have all day. Let's play one-on-one so I can get to my photo shoot on time!" He raised the octave of his voice a fraction to attempt Kise's slightly higher pitched tone.

Aomine growled and shoved Kagami back. "Shut the fuck up, Bakagami! I'm trying to do this and ––  _fuck_! You ruined it!"

Kagami snickered, but fell silent when he caught sight of Kuroko's disapproving stare. 

There was no way he could try again. When he looked at the picture all he could hear was Kagami's sad attempt at that melodious voice. He was glad the redhead had not attempted Kise's laugh. There was no sound on earth that could match that.

"I can't..." Aomine sighed and leaned against the nearest tree. "I can't do this."

"Kagami-kun, if you don't, you know what will–"

"But I can't say it to him!"

"Why the hell not?" Kagami snapped, letting the photo book fall to his side. 

"Because I'm not in love with you, dumbass!" He snapped. "I'm in love with Kise! I need to say this to Kise, not you!" Aomine slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide as silence fell around them.

Kuroko smiled. "Aomine-kun, I knew you could do it."

Aomine, still too stunned to speak, flicked his eyes in Kuroko's direction. 

"Go tell him." Kuroko waved a hand to dismiss him. "Tell him before he's gone."

* * *

Aomine ran all the way to Kise's apartment. 

This time he was glad the blond left the door unlocked. The shock value helped to keep Kise's usual chattering to a bare minimum. Those golden eyes stared, his body pressed against the wall, startled by the sudden appearance of the ace.

"Aominecchi... what the–"

Aomine held up a hand and Kise, thankfully, remained silent while he fought to catch his breath. "Just... just let me talk, okay?" 

Kise nodded. He was too shocked to speak, too curious to even try.

"I was scared, Kise." He gasped, leaning his back against the opposite wall. "I was afraid that if I... if I admitted this then people would see me differently, or something like that. I mean, what if it hurt your career? I know how much you enjoy modeling and if people found out... but, fuck, I didn't really care if they found out because I–" It was happening again. The word was catching in his throat. "But the thought of you with someone else and I just–" A wordless growl pulled from the back of his throat. That ache throbbed in his chest and he knew the only remedy would come from those three words. "Kise, I–" Kise's eyes widened as though he couldn't quite believe what might come next. The sight of tears glittering at the corners of those golden hues made the words, so hard to say before, come spilling out, unbidden. "I love you, Kise. I fucking love you. I love you so goddamn much. I don't even know how else to say it. God, I don't want you to leave. Just... don't leave me behind. I know I'm scared of this... of whatever this is, this love, this... of what we could be, but, fuck, I wanna face this fear. I  _can_ face it if you're with me, you know?"

The silence was deafening. He stood there, breathing as shallow as possible for fear he'd miss Kise's response, no matter what it was. But Kise wasn't speaking. He wasn't even looking at Aomine. He stared at the ground in silence until Aomine took a step forward. 

"Aominecchi..." He finally whispered, slowly lifting his head. Aomine braced himself for the tears, and maybe a frown, a reprimanding gaze. Kise smiled at him. It was a faint smile, barely more than a twitch of his lips, but he smiled. "I can't tell you how long I've waited to hear those words."

Aomine threw all doubts out the window then. He threw himself forward and wrapped Kise in arms; a place he believed the blond belonged all along. "Fuck, Kise. Don't just leave me hanging like that. You scared me."

"I love you, Aominecchi." Kise whispered, tightening his arms around Aomine's waist. 

Saying the words was not remedy enough, but the warmth that built between them soothed the ache in his chest like a a calming balm over an open wound. Kise was the medicine he needed and would be the hand to hold when he needed to fight off the fear that came with those three words and the commitment they implied. It would come easier in time, he knew that. For now, he'd say it one more time just to make sure the blonde knew. And Kise would understand. Kise _always_ understood him.

"I love you too, Kise."


End file.
